Looking at the Future

This was IT. 

The moment I have been longing for since 2015. All the years of working hard has culminated in that one letter and, hopefully, the last letter I will have to send to an employer. 

The last couple of months were difficult - it was exhausting, mentally and physically draining, and there were times when I completely felt helpless and had “what am I doing?” and “is this really how it is?” thoughts. I got hospitalized due to fatigue, my body felt like it would really fail me, and the doctors keep telling me to relax. 

In that hospital lobby while waiting for my release papers, I realized that this was the life I was creating for the last nine years; this was the self I have envisioned sans medical issues and that this was the future I desperately plowed and made way for and now I am treading on it. How great is that!?!? 

I just had to rewire my brain like that to really be in this, wholly. When I stopped worrying about what will happen and started focusing on how I’m going to make it happen, my whole mind and body felt a sense of calm. The back aches were gone. The tensed muscles disappeared, as if retreated to another world. I am in a better disposition in life more than ever. 

Looking at my planner now, I made so much progress in the last two months however tiring the days may be, but seeing so many boxes ticked gave me a good feeling. 

This was really it. 

I am now looking at a future I have created. 

I am excited to pave a way to a better one now.