Exhausted is an Understatement

I’m tired.

It’s exhausting to be in this situation.
It’s been years—so long I can’t even remember when I first started telling myself this.

I’m tired of living like this.
Tired of being the strong one.
Tired of being both the main person and the backup.

I’ve said this so many times to my husband—that I’m tired of being this family’s main provider.
I don’t want to keep fighting like this.

I want to be a soft, nurturing mother to Kai.
But I can’t be that when I’m constantly forced to be a warrior out here, fighting battles that never seem to end.

I want to take care of him the way other moms do.
But how can I, when I’m up at 3AM taking calls and solving problems, only to sleep through half the next day just trying to recover?

I’m tired of repeating myself over and over, only to be told,
“You’re lucky to have these opportunities.”

Damn it.
It didn’t feel like luck.
It felt like I didn’t have a choice.

I stepped up because you wouldn’t.

And now…
I’m just tired.

I just want to rest.